Like it or not, a presentation is a performance.  To borrow an image from PowerPoint consultant, Gary Murray, a presentation with PowerPoint is like an equine show jumping event.  The trophies go to those who have a perfect partnership between a superb horse and an expert rider.  To achieve excellence in any . . . → Read More: The Rider Needs a Good Horse]]>

Like it or not, a presentation is a performance.  To borrow an image from PowerPoint consultant, Gary Murray, a presentation with PowerPoint is like an equine show jumping event.  The trophies go to those who have a perfect partnership between a superb horse and an expert rider.  To achieve excellence in any performance, the performer must practice.  If you’re showing PowerPoint slides in your presentation, you need to practice using them so that the flow of your talk looks as fluid and effortless as a championship jumping exhibition.  However, while you need to be a good rider, you need to start with a good horse.

The Lame Horse

How often have you seen a speaker show slides that are filled with bullet points and long, wordy sentences?  Unfortunately, it’s rare when speakers don’t do that!  Here’s what’s wrong with wordy slides:

1. Slow.  Our brains process pictures 60,000 times faster than text.  That’s because the brain recognizes images immediately, whereas the act of reading requires a lengthy, circuitous process of shape recognition and synthesis.  Reading a lot of words is simply too slow to create the emotional “punch” that results in memory.
2. Attention splitting.  Faced with a slide full of words, listeners will choose to read the slide rather than listen to the speaker.  Think back.  The last time you saw a wordy slide come up on the screen, were you able to focus your attention solely on what the speaker was saying?  Or were your eyes irresistibly drawn to all those words?  And while your brain was busy decoding that fascinating puzzle of lines, curves and angles, were you really listening to the speaker?  Contrary to popular belief, the human brain can’t multitask.  Attention, comprehension and memory all suffer.
3. Boring.  Wordy slides are boring!  Author John Medina writes in Brain Rules, “We don’t pay attention to boring things.”  Our brain resists and rejects things that don’t have enough emotional content to make them interesting.  Picture recognition is emotional; word recognition is intellectual.  Even neutral images have greater emotional impact than words because they are processed in the emotional centre (limbic system) of the brain, not in the cerebral cortex, where words are decoded.  Scientists have found that there’s a 100% increase in recognition of a picture over text. Yet only 3% of business communications contain visuals.

The Superb Horse

What to do?  Reduce, reduce, reduce!  Don’t write out your whole point on the screen.  Find the fewest possible words that will reinforce the point and then pair them with an image that illustrates the idea.

Let’s take the three points above.  If I were using those ideas in a PowerPoint presentation, the only words that would appear on the screen would be the ones in bold type.  Everything else I’ve written for those points would be what I would say.  And each point would have its own slide.  The more impact a PowerPoint show has, the less sense it makes on its own without the speaker.

My first slide would show only the word Slow with a photo of, say, a snail. I would talk about why reading is slow, and why that’s ineffective.  The second slide would say Attention splitting.  What image would reinforce that idea?  How about an axe splitting through a block of wood?  Explicit and dramatic.  You can probably feel the emotional impact just from imagining the picture.  The third slide might show someone sleeping through a lecture, with just the word, Boring.  Humour creates memory.

Be memorable.

Whole books are written on how to use PowerPoint effectively.  In a short article, I can only discuss one idea, but this is the most glaring and most frequent error I see.  Too many words! The more words people have to read, the less they will remember.  Why bother speaking at all if your words and ideas will be immediately forgotten?  “Less is more” could be a PowerPoint law!  If you want your listeners – whether it’s a large audience or a couple of people – to remember what you say, give ‘em fewer words to read, and give ‘em pictures.

Ultimately, it’s what we think of ourselves that determines what other people think of us.  Lately, I’m re-thinking western culture’s taboo against pride.

Where’s the pride?

A client of mine, president of a manufacturing company, was practicing his corporate presentation.  One of my colleagues had upgraded his PowerPoint slides, and now I . . . → Read More: Pride]]>

Ultimately, it’s what we think of ourselves that determines what other people think of us.  Lately, I’m re-thinking western culture’s taboo against pride.

Where’s the pride?

A client of mine, president of a manufacturing company, was practicing his corporate presentation.  One of my colleagues had upgraded his PowerPoint slides, and now I was coaching him on his delivery.  He was giving good, factual information, but his energy was low and his voice had a sing-song, almost apologetic quality.  After a few minutes, I stopped him and said, “You know what I’m not hearing in your voice?  Pride!  Your father started this business with an invention in his garage, and now it’s a world class company producing world class products.  As a listener, I want to hear how proud you are of that.”

He tried it again, and what a transformation!  This time, he smiled, his eyes shone and his voice had the energy and variation in pitch it had been lacking before.  His whole bearing was vibrant and engaging.  Now he was letting emotion hold hands with information, and what a dynamic duo that is!  Could this dramatic change have happened just because he lifted his internal ban on pride?

A few days later, another client was working on how she offers her book for sale at the end of her talks.  Again I heard the factual accuracy, but low key, slightly apologetic tone.  Again I suggested that if she’s proud of having created this book, the audience needs to feel that energy of pride.  Again I saw the dramatic metamorphosis from drab chrysalis to engaging butterfly.

Why aren’t we proud?

What’s going on here?  Is it just because I’m Canadian, working with Canadians, and we’re notoriously self-effacing?  Or is the tendency more wide-spread?  Why is it so terrible to be proud?  Have we become so convinced of the “sin” of pride that we confuse honest pride with arrogance, presumption or “being pushy”?

To me, they are not the same thing at all.  True pride originates in a consciousness of value.  If you’re truly proud of yourself, self value shines out of you. You enjoy sharing that value with others, but never imposing it.  You have no need to convince anybody else of your worth.

Arrogance

I think arrogance, on the other hand, comes from a lack of self value.  Many years ago, I made it into the semi-finals of the local Metropolitan Opera auditions.  In my heart of hearts, I felt I was out of my league. In my efforts  to hide my insecurity, my show of confidence was “over the top”, because it had no solid grounding in self value.  I know I came across as arrogant and flippant.

I’m acquainted with a person who appears to be, on the surface, supremely self confident.  He speaks of his accomplishments with a vehemence that is almost overpowering.  He seems so convinced of the rightness of his own viewpoint that he comes across to others as overbearing and arrogant.  I don’t think that’s self pride.  I think that’s the exact opposite.  I think that, unconsciously, he’s desperately trying to convince other people of his value in order to try and believe it, himself.

Pride is good!

I believe that unless we’re confident – yes, proud! – of our own value, we have nothing of value to share with others.  When we’re honestly proud of ourselves and of the value of our offering – in the classroom, the showroom or the boardroom – our listeners see attractive confidence and energy, not arrogance.  Your audience will pick up on whatever energy you project.  So go ahead, be proud!

A presentation has the greatest impact when audience members feel as if the speaker is talking directly to them personally.  Yet it’s so easy to slip into seeing the people in an audience only in terms of their position in a society or their role in an organization.  This kind of de-personalizing is counter-productive . . . → Read More: See the Person, not the Position]]>

A presentation has the greatest impact when audience members feel as if the speaker is talking directly to them personally.  Yet it’s so easy to slip into seeing the people in an audience only in terms of their position in a society or their role in an organization.  This kind of de-personalizing is counter-productive for both the speaker and the listener.  The listener feels unacknowledged, and the speaker misses an opportunity to make a human-to-human connection with listeners.

Perception

We behave toward one another according to how we perceive one another.  Say your job requires you to give a monthly report to the Board of Directors of your organization.  If you see them only as positions above you in the hierarchy, your perception will be coloured – need I say, “darkened” – by the realization that their positions are more powerful than yours.  Maybe they have the power to fire you.  You will probably feel very threatened and go through agony every month as your report deadline approaches.  When you give your presentation, your manner is emotionally distant and lacking in energy.  You feel terrified and your Board members feel unengaged. Neither of you can have a positive experience under those circumstances.

The person beneath the role

Have you ever watched a TV program called “Undercover Boss”?  It’s a “reality” show where the head of an organization works in disguise as a trainee at various jobs in their company.  It provides a look at what goes on behind the scenes of big organizations like a restaurant chain or an international courier service.  Another aspect of the show that I find interesting is how people in top executive positions reveal themselves to be people just like all the rest of us.  They might be clumsy or get confused, and they have emotional challenges, just like everybody else.  Yes, I know, this is television, and the authenticity of all of it is suspect.  Nevertheless, these people are not experienced actors, and I can’t imagine that all of it is faked.  What it shows me is that a CEO is a person, not a position.

Think of Queen Victoria.  In Great Britain, there is no rung higher on the ladder of hierarchy than the queen.  Because of her position, certain modes of behaviour and speech are required in her presence.  That’s how the game of human society is played.  Yet here was a woman who was so devastated by the death of her husband that she withdrew from her public duties as monarch and lived almost as a recluse to the end of her days.  Under the role of queen, she was a person with feelings.  Even a queen needs love as much as you or I.

Narrow the gap

If your attitude toward the people in your audience is de-personalized, and you see them only as bodies or positions or roles in the hierarchy, you increase your own distress and decrease your ability to develop a sense of relationship with them.  But if you focus on the fact that your listeners are human beings just like you, the gap between you narrows.  You approach them as neither inferior nor superior, but as equal human beings.  You think in terms of “us”, instead of “me versus them”. When you give that report to the Board, you are giving value by fulfilling their need for information.  You are partnering with those people for the good of the organization.

Appreciate the heart

This doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to become “buddy-buddy” with your CEO.  The game is played according to certain rules, after all, and we are wise to observe them.  It does mean, however, that every human being has a heart, and that heart needs acknowledgement, acceptance and appreciation as much as any other.  When you conduct yourself with confidence and self-value, when you smile and make eye contact, when you engage by asking questions and listen intently to the answers, you fulfil your listeners’ need for connection.  You make them feel you are talking directly to them, person to person, human being to human being.

If you’re talking to someone one-on-one, or if you’re in a meeting with just a few people, you probably don’t have difficulty being heard, even if you have a soft voice.  On the other end of the scale, if you are speaking to a large audience, you will almost certainly have amplification, . . . → Read More: How to Project Your Voice]]>

If you’re talking to someone one-on-one, or if you’re in a meeting with just a few people, you probably don’t have difficulty being heard, even if you have a soft voice.  On the other end of the scale, if you are speaking to a large audience, you will almost certainly have amplification, and the sound technician will make sure your audience can hear you.

In some circumstances, though, you might find yourself in front of a medium-sized group of, say, 20 to 60 people, with no microphone in sight.  Workshop presenters, team managers and teachers are examples of people who find themselves in this kind of situation.  This is when you need to know how to project your voice in such a way that your audience can hear you, but that doesn’t strain your vocal equipment.  Here are some physical strategies you can try.

Fill your lungs

The way you breathe affects the way your voice comes out.  After all, air flowing over your vocal cords is the reason you have a voice at all.  If you breathe shallowly, you will quickly run out of air, and then your throat muscles tense up to try to squeeze the sound out.  To whatever degree that happens, your voice will sound strained and lack carrying power.  It’s hard on your vocal cords, too.  But when you take the time to fill your lungs, it’s as if your voice is riding on a supportive cushion of air, and your throat muscles can stay relaxed.  Your voice will carry better and have a richer, more pleasing sound.

Most people only fill the top part of their lungs when they breathe, but in fact, your lungs are larger at the bottom than at the top.  To get a good breath, you need to fill your lungs all the way to the bottom.   Ask any musician whose instrument uses air, and they will tell you that your waist and abdomen must move outward as you inhale, and back in as you exhale.  Your chest stays quiet.  If you’ve never done that before, try imagining that you are filling your lungs from the bottom up, as if it were water instead of air.

Articulate with energy

Most people (no offense, folks!) have rather lazy diction.  They don’t use the tools of articulation – their jaw, lips and tongue – with enough energy to create clear, crisp consonants.  You wouldn’t think, would you, that your articulation would have a bearing on how well your voice carries?  But it does.

The more energy you put into your muscles of articulation, the more you lift your voice up away from your throat muscles and into the resonators in your face – specifically, your cheek bones and your sinus cavities.  Even on such a small scale, your cheek bones act like the sounding board of a piano, and your sinus cavities (assuming you don’t have a cold) resonate like a big, open room.  That means your voice will have more resonance and will project better to your listeners.

Think of how much energy it takes to run the length of a soccer field or basketball court.  Clear articulation requires just as much energy; you’re simply using smaller muscles.

Think big, never push

Never try to “push” your voice to make it louder.  You will probably become hoarse, and might even do damage to your vocal cords.  Instead, imagine that the inside of your throat and mouth are large, as large as the room you’re speaking in.  That will cause all the muscles around the inside of your throat to pull away, just as you do when you are yawning.  The bigger the space inside, the bigger the voice outside.

More energy, please

All of these physical strategies bring me back to my familiar theme: it takes energy to speak well in public.  You really do have to work harder than when you’re not in that situation.  But when you remember that the speaking event is about making sure your listeners have the best possible experience, you know that it’s worth the extra energy.  As the speaker, that’s your job.

According to John Medina, one thing we know for sure about the human brain is that it doesn’t like to pay attention to boring things.  Medina is a molecular biologist and author of Brain Rules, 12 principles of how the brain works, and how these principles can help us in our daily . . . → Read More: Attention, Please]]>

According to John Medina, one thing we know for sure about the human brain is that it doesn’t like to pay attention to boring things.  Medina is a molecular biologist and author of Brain Rules, 12 principles of how the brain works, and how these principles can help us in our daily lives.  I have just finished a couple of chapters that are very relevant for speakers.

Interest

What the brain does like is interesting things.  The more interesting something is, the more attention the brain will pay to it.  (We kind of knew that already, didn’t we?  What’s different is that neuroscientists have now done studies to prove it.)  Another thing we know is that the more attention the brain pays to incoming information, the more deeply that information will be imprinted and later remembered.

Interest creates attention, which creates memories.  If we want what we say to be remembered, we’d better find a way to make our audience pay attention.  In other words, we’d better make it interesting.

Enthusiastic voice

Being interesting isn’t that hard if we just remember how not to be boring.  What’s the most boring part of a boring presentation?  “Monotonous voice” wins that competition every time.  What’s a monotone?  A voice with all the same tone – no variety, no louds and softs, no highs and lows of pitch.  What creates a monotone?  Not enough output of energy.

The quickest antidote for a monotonous voice is emotion.  Passion.  Enthusiasm.  Energy.  When a speaker is excited about a topic and is willing to show it, her voice automatically becomes animated and takes on the variety of pitch and volume that creates interest.  Most people are reluctant to show lots of enthusiasm and passion when they speak, fearing they will look foolish.  Au contraire!  Passion is what makes you interesting.  A lack of enthusiasm is boring, so go ahead and ramp up your energy.  If you are not the type of person who naturally speaks with enthusiasm, consider becoming a bit of an actor for your presentation.  A presentation is a performance, after all, and you may have to let yourself play a role.

Emotion

Emotion is the glue that binds information to memory.  One way to generate emotion is with narrative.  Stories need to be relevant to your topic, not just stuck in for entertainment.  Illustrate your points with stories that create an emotionally compelling moment – alarm, fear, surprise, laughter, nostalgia, curiosity, passion.  If you can generate emotion in your listener, they will pay attention and you will be remembered.  The trick here is that you, the speaker, must allow yourself to feel the emotion first.  Your listeners won’t feel anything unless you do.

Analogies

Another speaking technique that creates interest is to provide examples and analogies that turn information into real life meaning.  When you do this, you play into the brain’s love of patterns.  Oh, how we love to match up something new to something we already know!  Have you ever heard someone say, when looking at a piece of abstract art, “It looks like a…”?  Examples and analogies allow the brain to create associations between concepts, to “connect the dots”.

Speaking is a bit like cooking with a gas oven.  There’s an electrical element in the oven that heats up when you turn the oven on.  Gas is released only when that element gets hot enough to ignite it.  Heat from the burning gas cooks the food.  The audience is the gas, and it’s the power of their attention that creates the fire.  But the speaker must be the electrical element, must first provide the heat of energy and interest that ignites the audience’s attention.   Unless the speaker gets fired up, nothing cooks.

The Question and Answer section of your presentation allows you to interact with your audience more directly than when you’re the only one speaking.  Whether you take questions during your presentation or have a more formal structure with questions at the end, thorough preparation enables you to stay relaxed and confident.

Prepare . . . → Read More: Are There any Questions?]]>

The Question and Answer section of your presentation allows you to interact with your audience more directly than when you’re the only one speaking.  Whether you take questions during your presentation or have a more formal structure with questions at the end, thorough preparation enables you to stay relaxed and confident.

Prepare in Advance

Before your talk, you did your audience research, right?  You found out who would be present, what their knowledge of your topic might be, what their concerns are and whether they might have a bias one way or the other.  Put that research to use by thinking about what questions this particular group of people might ask.  Decide how you will answer, especially the difficult questions. Practice your answers out loud, the same way you practiced your initial presentation.  This gives you a set of words and phrases that will come easily to your mind and mouth.

Listen Carefully

I like to move to the opposite side of the stage from the person asking the question.  By doing this, I visibly yield the floor to the questioner and at the same time remind myself that I’m now in full listening mode. Listening carefully helps to keep you calm and in control.  Depending on the size of the audience, you may want to repeat the question, or at least ask if everyone has heard it.  Make sure you fully understand the question before you begin answering.  Ask for clarification if you don’t understand, and avoid pre-empting the questioner by jumping in before the question is fully stated.

“I don’t know”

Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.”  Believe it or not, if you don’t know the answer to a question, saying so increases your credibility.  You show yourself to be honest and forthcoming.  There are a couple of ways to handle this situation.  You can offer to find out and get back to the person, or you can throw the question open to other audience members.  “Has anyone else had experience with this situation and would like to share?”  It gives your audience a chance to contribute.

Keep an eye on the clock

Part of your job as a presenter is to stay within the time you’ve been given.  If a questioner seems to be taking more time than you think is appropriate, you may have to suggest politely that you continue the discussion afterwards, and move on to another question.  (Chances are the questioner won’t approach you later.  Some people are just looking for an audience, and when their audience is only you, they’re not that interested.)  Some questions may be off-topic.  If it’s useful to you and others, go ahead and answer it.  Otherwise you can – again, politely – suggest talking after the presentation.  Be careful never to embarrass a questioner, even if their question shows they weren’t paying attention during your talk.  You will always gain by staying respectful and considerate.

What if a question is a challenge?

During one workshop, while I was demonstrating a correct handshake, a listener spoke up, saying she is uncomfortable with being touched, and pointed out that there are cultures where shaking hands is inappropriate.  She was clearly in some distress about the subject.  If a question feels like a challenge, try to start your answer by finding some aspect of it on which the two of you can agree.  Doing so immediately reduces the intensity of the interchange by making the questioner feel validated.  In this case, I agreed that one needs to be sensitive, especially in a culturally diverse environment, to what’s appropriate.  From there I was able to go on to point out that Canada is predominantly a western culture country, where handshakes are often expected from both men and women, so if one is going to use a handshake, one needs to do it properly.

Finish on a strong note.

Rather than weakly ending with, “I guess we’re out of time…” invite questions early enough so you can make your closing comments after the Q&A.  (Let your organizer know you’re going to do this, though, so she doesn’t jump in to thank you before you’re finished.)  Send your audience home with a strong finish that brings their thoughts back to your original premise.  If you’re well prepared and stay relaxed and welcoming, there’s no reason why Q&A can’t be fun.

“I don’t know what happens to me!” she cried.  “I’m outgoing and relaxed and talkative when I’m in a conversation, but as soon as I stand up in front of a group, I freeze.  It simply terrifies me!”

Sound familiar?  I’ve heard that the fear of speaking to a group may be . . . → Read More: Only One Person]]>

“I don’t know what happens to me!” she cried.  “I’m outgoing and relaxed and talkative when I’m in a conversation, but as soon as I stand up in front of a group, I freeze.  It simply terrifies me!”

Sound familiar?  I’ve heard that the fear of speaking to a group may be programmed deep into our psyche.  Think of how dangerous it would have been for our ancient ancestors to stand alone in an exposed place, with no weapon, in front of a group of possibly hostile people or animals.  It could have put our life at risk.  Thousands of years later, our bodies still react to that circumstance as if it were a life or death situation.

Speaking to a Group

There’s an odd thing that happens to many people when they speak to an audience.  They stop being themselves.  I was once acquainted with a preacher who was warm, friendly and approachable when talking one-on-one, but the moment he stepped into the pulpit he became formal and distant, even rather pompous.  It was as if the presence of a congregation made him assume a pulpit persona that didn’t allow him to relate to people as simply people.  Something in his unconscious mind made him think he had to relate to a group differently than he did to an individual.

Speak to Individuals

I find that an effective antidote to fear of speaking to a group is to stop thinking of it as a group.  After all, there’s no such identity as “group”, is there?  How can you relate to “group?”  Any group, even schools of fish and flocks of starlings (which sometimes seem to function as one body) is composed of individuals.  Whether your audience is ten or ten thousand, every one of your listeners is an individual.

Think of it from their point of view: each person is listening to you with their own ears and their own sense of being him- or herself.  They don’t think of themselves as “group listener.”  They are thinking, “This is me, listening to a speaker.”  The only difference between chatting with one person over coffee and speaking to an audience is that you get to talk to numerous “one persons” at the same time.  If you relate to each listener in your audience as an individual, you will find it eases your fear of “group”.

Eye Contact Supports You

The way you use your eyes either supports or hinders your ability to relate to individuals.  If you use your eyes generally, you can’t bring individuals into focus.  You will be continually aware that there’s a group out there.  Variations on this theme are keeping your eyes buried in your notes with only occasional unfocused flicks to the back wall, looking over people’s heads and not in their faces, or roving your eyes around the room so quickly you don’t have time to connect with any one pair of eyes.  All of these eye behaviours emphasize the presence of “group” over “individual.”

When you make direct eye contact with individual listeners while speaking – for several seconds each time – you not only give them the feeling that you’re speaking directly to them (and you are!) but you reinforce in your own subconscious mind that there is only one person in front of you.  One person isn’t so scary, is she?

Worth the Effort

Using your eyes this way doesn’t seem to come naturally.  It took me intentional practice at home and several live presentations before I felt comfortable with it.  Oh, but the increased sense of relatedness with the audience and the decreased level of nervousness is so worth the effort!  I encourage you to persevere.  After all, there’s really only one person out there – the one you’re looking at and talking to at any given moment.  One person here, one person there, another one person over there…

I believe that public speaking skills can help develop character.  I mentioned in my last article that I will soon be giving a workshop to teachers on using public speaking training to reduce bullying.  In that article, I talked about how such training can increase children’s sense of empowerment, lifting them out . . . → Read More: Can We Teach Empathy?]]>

I believe that public speaking skills can help develop character.  I mentioned in my last article that I will soon be giving a workshop to teachers on using public speaking training to reduce bullying.  In that article, I talked about how such training can increase children’s sense of empowerment, lifting them out of victim-consciousness and making them less likely to become targets.  Now let’s explore developing empathy with others by learning to connect with an audience.

Public speaking in schools

Public speaking in schools often goes like this:  the students begin by writing a composition.  Sometimes the topic is assigned, and they have no choice in the matter.  Other times, the choice of topic is less dictated by their passionate interests than by what they think will impress the teacher or adjudicator.

If they’re in a competition, the students memorize what they’ve written.  If it’s not for a competition, the presentation consists of reading the composition aloud, eyes glued to the page.  Often the words are either mumbled in acute embarrassment or spoken in a rapid-fire monotone to get the ordeal over with as quickly as possible.  If it’s a competition, machine-gun delivery is the norm, only this time the eyes are glazed over and staring forward, since the student is reading from the memorized script behind her eyes.  Attempts to add expression come out sounding arbitrary and imposed, not emerging from genuine feeling.  There’s rarely a trace of authenticity, eye contact or emotional connection with the audience.  It is my belief that only those who are natural communicators benefit from this experience. Even then, it’s more of a performance than a genuine connection.  Most children, with their infallible radar for what’s real and what’s phony, loathe it, fear it and avoid it if at all possible.  Many of them go through their entire life believing that this public display of non-connection is real public speaking, carrying the same behaviours into their adult presentations.

We can’t just lay this problem at the feet of teachers.  How can you teach what you, yourself, haven’t been taught?  I think presentation skills training should be a major element in the curriculum of every Faculty of Education.  It would benefit both new teachers and their soon-to-be students.

Bullying is non-connection

Back to the subject of bullying:  bullies lack a sense of shared humanity with their targets.  They are unable to acknowledge that everyone deserves respect, even people they don’t like.  They lack empathy for their fellow human beings, that ability to be inside another person’s head, as it were, and see life from their point of view.  In particular, I think they don’t understand that acting to benefit someone else feels better to themselves than being hurtful.  They don’t realize that kindness is in their own best interest.  So in that sense, they are disconnected from themselves, from the ability to listen to their own heart.

Good presenting means connecting

I’m not sure if it’s possible to teach empathy, but I do think it’s possible to teach most children to increase their connection with others, to be more understanding and accepting of differences.  The very essence of good presenting is connecting.  When you’re a speaker, it starts with your connection to the best qualities of yourself.  It continues into a passionate connection with your topic.  (Even if you’re simply introducing a speaker, aren’t you passionately interested in providing that speaker with the best possible lead-in?)  And it culminates in connecting emotionally with your audience.  By that I mean letting your passion and enthusiasm show so they can feel what you’re feeling, meeting your listeners eye-to-eye so they can sense your acknowledgement of them, and especially being so interested in giving something of value to your audience that they know your sensibilities are directed outward to benefit them, instead of inward to protect yourself.

Transposing the skills

I don’t wish to seem like the person whose only tool is a hammer, so every problem looks like a nail.  The phenomenon of bullying is complex, and public speaking training isn’t a cure-all.  I do think, however, that insights and attitudes learned in one area can be transposed into another.  By teaching children how to connect authentically and emotionally with an audience, we proactively encourage a positive perspective toward others, and a larger, more respectful mindset.  In the process, we provide them with a skill that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

Bullying is a hot topic. A majority of people have opened their eyes and recognized the prevalence of bullying and its devastating effects. Surely a tipping point has come when even popular television sitcoms like “The Big Bang Theory” take on the Goliath of bullying in our society. School Boards and teachers everywhere . . . → Read More: Can We Change the Bullying Climate?]]>  

Bullying is a hot topic. A majority of people have opened their eyes and recognized the prevalence of bullying and its devastating effects. Surely a tipping point has come when even popular television sitcoms like “The Big Bang Theory” take on the Goliath of bullying in our society. School Boards and teachers everywhere have instituted policies of no tolerance for bullying.

Zero Tolerance

Permissiveness and undefined limits create a climate in which bullying thrives. A bully who experiences no clear consequences for antisocial behaviour will continue it and escalate it. I applaud the “zero tolerance” initiatives emerging in the education system. Perhaps zero tolerance will one day expand into society at large, because bullying is just as prevalent in the adult world as it is among children, and it’s just as destructive.

In a few weeks, I will be speaking to a conference of women teachers on “Empathy and Empowerment: How Teaching Public Speaking Skills Can Reduce Bullying”. Zero tolerance programs with severe consequences for bullying can at least provide protection for victims. That’s dealing with the problem at one end, where bullying tendencies have already manifested. I would like to explore the possibility of doing complementary work at the other end, of changing the mindsets that allow a climate of bullying to exist in the first place.

Empowering the Victim Consciousness

Boiled down to its essence, I see the bullying climate as a product of two mindsets: a lack of empathy on the part of the bully and a lack of empowerment on the part of the victim. I’m going to address these two mindsets in reverse order, and save empathy for my next article.

Whether or not the Old Testament confrontation between David and Goliath ever really took place, the story provides us with a fascinating study in archetypes. Goliath was a classic bully – huge, strong and loud, deriving enjoyment from doing violence, physically and emotionally, to others. Yet short, willowy David, possessed of unshakeable assurance of his own worth and skill with a sling, and secure in his support system (belief in his god) was not intimidated. A bully dominates through disempowerment of the victim, yet David clearly did not feel at a disadvantage. In fact, he seems to have felt the scales were tipped in his favour. He had no need to protect himself with armour (he was offered physical armour, but we could interpret that as the emotional armour of fear and defensiveness.) He knew that who he was, was enough. He didn’t have a victim consciousness. Goliath, the bully, had no victim.

Not Intimidated

People who fear (or even dislike) public speaking have some degree of a victim consciousness. They assume the audience is full of bullies who will judge, criticize and disempower them, doing violence to their feeling of self-worth. They are caught in a mindset that gives other people the power to dictate how good they feel about themselves. No wonder they’re intimidated! That’s a completely false premise! No one has the ability to reduce another’s value or worthiness. A person’s opinion is almost entirely a product of their own habits of thought, and has nothing to do with what and who another person is. Great speakers have a noticeably strong sense of self, and are not intimidated by other people’s opinions. I believe that good public speaking training addresses this issue.

Not Victim Material  

I think we draw to ourselves people and situations that match our own inner state. What if we used public speaking training to help school children develop an inner state of self assurance? I don’t mean the usual memorizing a written composition and then reciting it. That’s a human tape recorder, and it merely adds to the fear. I mean the real public speaking skills of authenticity, eye contact and the development of a speaker-listener relationship. What if we proactively provided kids with a classroom support system that gave them the assurance of the right to speak and the right to be heard? Could we help them develop a ship of consciousness whose sails wouldn’t even attract a bully’s wind?

The after-Christmas flight was going to be full.  Shortly after I had sat down and fastened my seatbelt, a young man and woman paused beside my seat, waiting for the line of passengers ahead of them to proceed down the aisle.  Evidently they had met in the pre-boarding lounge.  The woman looked to be . . . → Read More: The “Like” Culture]]>

The after-Christmas flight was going to be full.  Shortly after I had sat down and fastened my seatbelt, a young man and woman paused beside my seat, waiting for the line of passengers ahead of them to proceed down the aisle.  Evidently they had met in the pre-boarding lounge.  The woman looked to be in her early twenties, and the man was perhaps closer to thirty.  He was doing the majority of the talking.  In the ninety seconds or so before they moved on, the young man probably said the word “like” a dozen or more times.  He seemed to insert it, like, every few words.

We gain an impression of someone in the first few seconds of meeting them.  Our mind immediately puts the person in a category and forms a long-lasting perception of who and what they are.  In the first few seconds!  Our behaviour towards others is strongly influenced by our perception of them, by the category our mind has put them in.  If we perceive a person in a positive light, we will be open and receptive toward them – the opposite if our perception is negative.  Nothing brands a person, placing them in a mental category, faster than their use of language.

We move in different circles in human society.  In some circles a casual approach to speech is expected, and a person speaking grammatically correct English might not fit in.  My young man, however, was traveling in business class, and English was clearly his mother tongue. He was neither an immigrant nor an unskilled labourer.  For all I know, he might be a wealthy entrepreneur with a university degree!

Quite apart from what the reality might have been, my perception of the talkative young man was that he was immature, uneducated and not very intelligent.  My mind made an admittedly unfair evaluation based entirely on the fact that a man of nearly thirty was speaking in a manner I might have expected from a teenager, one whose parents hadn’t known enough or taken the trouble to guide their child to speak with correct English grammar.

There’s nothing wrong with the word “like”.  It’s a preposition. In broad terms that means it is positioned after one word and before (pre) another word to show a relationship between two things or ideas.  The dictionary defines “like” as being “similar to”, or “having the same, or almost the same, qualities and characteristics as” something else.  The weather outside, for example, can feel like a sauna, because it feels similar to a sauna.  But it can’t be, like, really hot.  Used that way, the word is incorrect and meaningless.  Either the weather is or isn’t hot; it’s not similar to hot.  Yes, I may be ranting, but I’m ranting because it matters.

Young people in high school, college and university move in a circle of society composed of their peers.  It’s a culture all their own.  Certain styles of speech are expected if one wishes to fit in with certain groups of that culture.  Incorrect and repetitive use of the word “like” is accepted language in a large number of young cultural circles.  A problem arises, however, when these young people graduate and begin looking for positions in the adult world, where more grammatically correct speech is expected.  There’s a clash of language cultures.

Leaders in business, government and the professions agree that one of the most important factors in success and career advancement – if not the most important factor – is the ability to communicate effectively.  Speaking is a major element in communication.  Appropriate use of language is important, because it affects how we are perceived and received in certain circles.  Ah, but the way we speak is largely a matter of habit.  You can’t change your language patterns overnight.  It takes time and intentional work.  The man on the aircraft, no longer a youth, was stuck in a youth-oriented language culture.  Young people who successfully negotiate the cultural language shift into the adult world will stand out above the crowd.  Who among them dares to differ from their peers, dares to have enough interest in their future to develop good speech habits today?