To Feel Confident, Give

Recently I was asked to make a submission to a new blog about public speaking for children, called Chatterbox Club, which is targeted to the parents of children aged 6-14 years. The question I was asked to answer was “What is your most unconventional but effective tip to help someone overcome public speaking nerves?”

Here is what I wrote.  By a happy co-incidence, it fits the holiday giving theme.

“Everybody has butterflies before they speak.  That’s a good thing!  We need those butterflies to give us an extra boost of energy.  But if you’re feeling really scared, you have too many butterflies inside to be helpful.  You need to give some of them another job to do.

“Too many butterflies” means you’re worried about yourself.  “Will my classmates laugh at me?  Will the audience like me?  Will the teacher give me a good mark?”  Do you hear it?  Me, me, me!  Naturally, you want to make a good impression, but when “me” is where you put most of your attention, you just make yourself more and more nervous.  How can you stop worrying so much about yourself?  By focusing on giving.  Send your butterflies on a mission to take good energy to your audience.

The most important part of a speaking event is not the speaker.  It’s the audience.  When you turn your mind away from “How can I get them to like me?” toward “How can I give them the best possible experience?” you will feel a lot less nervous.  That’s because you have changed your attitude from getting to giving. Our attitude creates our experience, and a giving attitude feels better than a getting one.

How can you change your attitude?  Start by genuinely appreciating the people in your audience.  Be thankful that they have come to listen to you.  Then put lots of energy into making your presentation as enjoyable for them as you can.  How do you do that?  Stand tall with your head high, to show your listeners you’re sure of yourself.  Smile, to show that you are friendly and they can relax.  Speak really clearly, so everyone can understand your words.  Look your listeners in the eyes, so they know you appreciate them and care about them.  Do it for them.

When your whole attention is on giving, you will not be so worried about yourself.  It certainly works for me.  And guess what?  This you can trust: when you give to your audience, you will make a good impression, because whatever you give, you get back.  The more you love your listeners, the more they will love you.  It’s all about the kind of energy you are giving out.”

May you all have a delightful holiday season, filled with warmth and friendship.  There will be no Tips on Talking article until the New Year.  I’ll see you all in January.  Happy holidays!