Freedom of Expression

Every morning my husband John and I take a brisk, 3 km walk. We go straight up the steep hill opposite our house (a “shock start”) continue to the top of the next hill, then turn around and come back. (By golly, by summer’s end, I’ll have the body of a twenty-year-old!) We go early, before it gets too hot. It’s lovely to be outside, and it sure beats walking on the treadmill, which is our Canadian-winter option.

The only downside to this morning jaunt is an insect called the deer fly. Shaped like a mini delta-wing aircraft, this little guy takes a serious chunk of flesh with each bite. Out here in the country, he and his buddies are legion! This morning, John and I wore bug-protective hats that cover our heads with netting. It was a little warm, but much better than continually batting our hands in front of our faces.

One of the things I like about living in the country is that people acknowledge one another. When a car or pickup truck passes us on the road, we raise our hand in greeting and usually the driver raises his/her hand in return. Some of these people we know, others we don’t.

Occasionally someone drives by without acknowledging our greeting. There could be a hundred reasons for this. They might be preoccupied and didn’t notice. They might be shy or sad. Consciously I know their non-response has nothing to do with me. Still, the little critic buried deep in my brain whispers, “That was a rejection. You’ve just been snubbed.” Isn’t that what people fear about speaking in public? They’re going to put themselves “out there”, offer themselves, and maybe the audience will reject them. In the face of this fear, the would-be speaker clamps down on her natural expression and ceases to be herself. She becomes boring because she’s afraid that her real self will be rejected.

This morning, with netting over my face, something was different. While I could see and enjoy my surroundings, my vision could not penetrate the windshield of an oncoming vehicle. I couldn’t see if my greeting had been acknowledged. Suddenly it didn’t matter. I was offering a gesture of friendship, and now the response was irrelevant. It was one more step in my lifelong lesson that other people’s acceptance or rejection does not determine how I accept myself. If our joy in our own expression is dependent on what others think, we are truly in bondage. Besides, you can’t stand on your head enough ways to please everybody!

A speaker does have to pay attention to the energy of the group. You must watch the response of the audience. You watch for the interest in the eyes and the nodding of the head in agreement. Or you watch for the roaming eyes and the yawns. In that case, you make what’s called a “state change” – something that changes the mode of listening. Increase audience interaction. Ask some questions. Throw in an activity. Maybe even call for a break. But these are techniques specific to the event, not adjustments to your personality.

Never allow concern for the audience’s response to determine how you feel about yourself. Indeed, it’s your good feeling about yourself, your conviction that who you are is right for you that enables you to share yourself freely with others. A rose in a flower garden doesn’t worry about rejection, even if it’s the only rose in sight. It just blooms and is itself. Freedom to be yourself comes with release from bondage – the bondage of the rejection-fearing critic in your own mind. Freedom of expression is your birthright.