The speaker stood at the front of the room and held up a $100 bill. “How many of you would like to have this?” he asked. Of course, every hand went up. He then folded the bill in half. “Now how many?” Still, everyone. He folded it again and again until it was a tiny square, each time asking how many people would like to receive the $100 bill. Every time, the answer was unanimously affirmative. Then the speaker opened up the bill, scrunched it into a ball, threw it on the floor and stomped on it. Once more he asked, “How many of you would like to have this $100 bill?” Every hand went up. “You have just shown your understanding,” said the speaker, “that no matter what I threw at this bill, it’s intrinsic worth has not changed. It’s the same for you.”
One of the biggest reasons people fear public speaking is that they fear criticism. Such deep concern about other people’s opinion stems from a lack of assurance in one’s own worth. I’m convinced that the reason we fear another person’s negative view of us is because it makes us assume a negative view of ourselves. When someone has a low opinion of us, we lower our own opinion of ourselves. What’s at issue is our relationship with ourselves.
What other people think of you isn’t really about you. Other people’s opinions say far more about them and their own habitual patterns of thought than they will ever say about you. Imagine, for example, that someone says your hair is an ugly shade of green. You know that’s not true, so it’s easy for you to see that their opinion was created from their own thoughts. Obviously they have a problem discerning colours. Their criticism creates no problem for you, because you know it is their issue, not yours.
Now imagine that someone is being critical of you as a speaker. If you are not secure in your love for yourself, their opinion will find resonance in your own unsure self-view. Once you allow their negativity to lower your opinion of yourself, you have a problem. But there really is no difference from the person who thought your hair was green. Their thoughts are about them. If they are being critical, their lack of kindness is an issue in their own personality, not yours. Actress Shirley MacLean once said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
There are always areas where we can improve our performance. Room for improvement doesn’t make you unworthy to speak. Here is where you must hold your focus on the quality of your energy and appreciate the beauty of your own being. The stronger you are in the knowledge of your own quality, the more you can recognize a need for improvement of performance without feeling personally threatened. After all, we never finish learning and growing. You are giving value NOW, even though you know you will continue to improve your abilities forever. If you do find yourself feeling worried about someone’s opinion of you, immediately do whatever you can to re-focus on the magnificent being that you truly are and your shared, equal humanity with everyone else. Be happy with what you can do now, and eagerly look forward to expanding your skills.
Your quality as a human being cannot be increased or diminished by anyone’s opinion. If you stay focused on your own quality, and your whole attention is on sharing that quality with others, criticism becomes, if not completely a non-issue, far less important than it was before you chose to love yourself, love your message and love your audience.
