Have you noticed that some people look apologetic when they stand up to speak? It’s as if they are saying with their body language, their face and their tone of voice, “Forgive me for having the presumption to stand before you. I know I have nothing to say, and nobody really wants to hear from me.” They stand on one foot or swivel their body from side to side. Maybe they hide their hands behind their back or raise their eyebrows in that “Please don’t shoot me” look. Perhaps they mumble or speak in a monotone. Remembering the years when I did this, myself, I’d say it’s an unconscious defensive strategy. “I might not be good at this, so if I apologize in advance, you won’t be too hard on me.”
Where did we get the idea that if we do something in public, we’re not good enough unless we do it perfectly? Do we all have to be Winston Churchill or Martin Luther King, Jr.? Many years ago I saw a lovely quote (I confess I have no idea who said it) that has often given me courage. “Use what talents you possess. The woods would be silent, indeed, if no birds sang there but those that sang best.”
Consider the lowly crow. She doesn’t sing as beautifully as a meadowlark or even a robin. Her song can only be described as a raucous squawk. Yet she is uniquely, unabashedly herself, and the morning choral concert outside our country home just wouldn’t be the same without her. She is absolutely genuine, and I love her unaffected contribution.
I read another quote on Twitter the other day. “Who I am is good enough, if only I would be it out loud.” Isn’t it time to give ourselves permission to be ourselves, “warts and all”? Your audience isn’t interested in a flawless front. People are sick of being conned, manipulated and lied to. They are tired of hearing everything with a spin on it. They want transparency and authenticity. They want to hear from the real you.
Your audience doesn’t even mind if you make a mistake. Public speaker and trainer Lisa Braithwaite wrote in her blog “Speak Schmeak” about a mistake she made in an afternoon workshop. She hadn’t given a lively, engaging opening to her presentation, so when she got to the part where she talks about openings and closings, she admitted it and used herself as an example. She didn’t beat herself up over it, and had a delightful time with the participants. Afterwards, a woman told her it was Lisa’s openness about her own mistake that made public speaking seem attainable to her. “Watching you made me feel like I could do it.”
I’m not suggesting you deliberately make mistakes, but I am saying that we can all stop obsessing about perfection. Our very imperfections humanize us; they make us accessible. I couldn’t say it better than Lisa does in her blog: “I don’t care if you’re perfect. Nobody cares if you’re perfect. What the audience wants is to get something of value, something relevant to their lives that they can take with them when they leave. They want engagement and connection, not perfection.”
So when you stand up to speak, drop your invisible shield. You don’t need to protect yourself. You’re as worthy to be there as anyone else on the planet. Plant your feet, stand tall and look your audience squarely in the eye – no apologies. Take a good breath and be who you are, right out loud.
