Weakening Words

Flickr Infrogmation of New Orleans, Hoover Say What Now CC2.0

(Photo courtesy of Flickr Infrogmation of New Orleans,  CC2.0)

Listen to yourself. It’s easy to notice other people with repetitive patterns such as  “uh” and “like”. Are you aware of your own verbal patterns? Are you habitually using words or phrases that reduce the impact of what you have to say? Yes, you can change weakening word habits, starting right now. Aim for your speech to be simple, clear, unapologetic and direct.

Repetition in speaking is powerful, if it’s used intentionally. Unconscious repetition has the opposite effect, weakening both the impact of the message and the strength of the speaker’s image. These patterns are more likely to show during extemporaneous speaking, rather than in a prepared address. The vast majority of our speaking is extemporaneous, even completely unrehearsed, and those are the times we need to be alert to our own speech habits. None of these patterns are wrong, in and of themselves. They become a problem when they occur so frequently as to become a dominant element. Here are some of the weakening words I’ve heard over the years: Continue reading Weakening Words

Are you a Race Talker?

Paul, Race Horse on Gallops

Photo courtesy of Flickr Paul (CC 2 Attribution)


A friend of mine speaks very quickly. Then, when he gets in front of an audience, adrenaline kicks in and he talks even faster – so fast, in fact, that it’s difficult to follow what he’s saying. Are you on speaking overdrive like my friend? If you want to be understood and to endear yourself to your audience, you have to learn to slow yourself down.
Here are some strategies you can practice:

Continue reading Are you a Race Talker?

Poetry As a Performing Art


Have you ever heard of “slam poetry”? Neither had I. Last night I attended a performance by a young slam poet named Dia Davina, who had qualities that speakers in any field would do well to emulate.

I like poetry and have often heard poets read their work. Occasionally, the reading is expressive and interesting. Usually, though, the poet speaks in an intense, rather fervent monotone that falls into a predictable, repetitive cadence. Partly that’s because they’re reading.  It’s really hard to avoid a repetitive cadence when you’re reading words on a page, whether it’s a speech or a poem. I also think poets who read their work may be too eager to make the point that it’s poetry. I often wish they’d simply express their poems as if they were speaking prose. The poetry will speak for itself!

Google tells me that slam poetry is a form of competitive performance poetry. Participants offer works no longer than three minutes and are judged – by a randomly picked audience member – on their skill as theatrical performers (stage presence, timing, voice modulation, body language and emoting) and pure poetic writing (metaphor, insight, brevity, wit). No wonder Dia wins in poetry slams! Last night’s performance was riveting!

What did this young poet have that would benefit any speaker? Continue reading Poetry As a Performing Art

Don’t Pretend They’re Naked

naked person back viewHave you heard this ridiculous piece of advice? “If you’re scared to speak to a group, pretend everyone in the audience is naked.” Does anybody actually follow this advice anymore? It may sound amusing, but really, Continue reading Don’t Pretend They’re Naked

Help Your Audience Follow You


The spoken word is fleeting. It sounds and is gone. Unlike you, who may have spent months – years, even – developing an understanding about your topic, your audience has only one shot at grasping the ideas carried by your spoken words. It’s your job to help them understand. They need a discernible structure that’s easy to follow, and they need a clear premise to keep them oriented. As always, the question is not “What does the speaker want to say,” but “What does the audience need to hear?” A speaker’s first responsibility is to the audience.

Continue reading Help Your Audience Follow You

What to Do When You’re Being Judged

judging panel

Before she receives her Master’s degree, my client will have to present and defend her thesis. With admirable foresight, she came to me four months in advance to work on her presentation skills and, in particular, her comfort level with public speaking.

For many people, one of the terrors associated with public speaking is the fear of being judged and criticized. In the vast majority of presentations, this fear is groundless. The audience is no more judging and criticizing you than you are when listening to someone else. They want you to do well. They’re already “on your side”. My advice to clients with this fear is always the same: stop looking for approval from others and simply focus on the quality you can give to them. The more you focus on giving, the less you will worry about what’s coming back to you.

Continue reading What to Do When You’re Being Judged

Getting Comfortable with Large Groups

Weapon against stress

“I’m fine talking to small groups,” he said, “but this time I have to present to 50 or 60 people. It’s freaking me out!”

What my client didn’t realize is that speaking to large groups is no different than speaking to small ones. You use exactly the same skills. He had a problem simply because he wasn’t thinking correctly.

Your thinking determines your experience. If you have a similar problem the first step to solving it is to recognize that your emotions are born out of your thoughts. They don’t arrive out of nowhere, creating havoc in your heartbeat and your sweat glands. They are a direct result of the thoughts roaming around in your head. When you control your thinking, you control your emotions. If you feel as if you’re freaking out, you’re thinking thoughts that don’t serve you. You are not at the mercy of your thoughts. Discipline them to go only where they will help you. Let’s look at a few thoughts that do serve you.

Continue reading Getting Comfortable with Large Groups

Searching for a Word


Yesterday I met a man from Zimbabwe.  He told me that his mother and father were from two different African countries, and that he, himself, spoke five languages.  He said that when talking with friends or on the phone, his mind sometimes gets stuck searching for the right word in the right language.  He asked me what he could do about that.  My answer?  Simply stop talking while you think.

Continue reading Searching for a Word

Telephone Talk

Telephone Talk, MorgueFile


Me:  Hello?

Caller (unknown, young, female voice in a casual, offhand tone):  Hi, how’re you?

Me (abrupt change to formal tone):  Who’s calling, please?

Caller:  I’m from XYZ Financial (the name went by too fast for me to catch).  I’m just calling to let you know you’ve been pre-approved for a line of credit.

Me:  Thank you, we don’t want it.

End of call.

Let’s assume this wasn’t a scam.  The voice sounded too young and inexperienced for its owner even to dream of making money out of deception.  However, there were so many disastrous elements in this call, it was doomed from the start.  The mistakes were extreme in this case, but they occur in varying degrees with great frequency.

Continue reading Telephone Talk

The Wedding Toast

Wedding Toast

As we move into June, the month for weddings, here’s a “Tips on Talking” re-post from shortly after the wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, William and Kate.

‘Tis the season.  Of weddings, that is.  The prospect of giving a wedding toast need not spoil your enjoyment of the day.  There is a wealth of helpful information on the internet.  Here are a few pointers to get you started.

Traditionally, wedding toasts are given by four people: the father of the bride, the groom, the best man and the maid/matron of honour.  Nowadays, many couples depart from tradition with other speakers and even guests invited to offer their congratulations.  As I recall, even I said a few words at my husband’s and my wedding.

Continue reading The Wedding Toast